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10 New Year Resolutions for Your Cat

By: Alex Lieber

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With the coming of the New Year, the inevitable resolutions begin. Trim your girth, be nicer toward your in-laws, spend more time with the family. We're all familiar with the promises we make to improve ourselves in the coming year.

Your cat, believe it or not, also wants to embark on a program of self-improvement in the spirit of the New Year. Perhaps self-improvement is overstating the case; she wishes to fine-tune herself. Although she comes close, your cat realizes no one is perfect.

Here are the top 10 New Year's Resolutions for your cat, from her perspective. (Just don't say anything if she falls a little short of the goal. You keep her secret and she'll keep yours.)

Resolution #1: I promise to trim down a little.

Being bigger means there is more of me to love, but perhaps I can stand to lose a little weight, if I'm given the opportunity and the right kinds of toys to play with.

Resolution #2: I'll be friendlier to strangers.

I won't turn my nose up at newcomers right away. Instead, I'll give them a chance to scratch my ears before disappearing under the bed.

Resolution #3: I'll be cuddlier to family members.

I'll purr more and be more affectionate to everyone in the family, except the dog – unless he promises to stay the heck out of my litter box!

Resolution #4: I'll be nicer to the birds and fish in household.

Sure, I'll be very nice to them. Perhaps if I'm nice, they'd want to come out and play with me ...

Resolution #5: I won't be as finicky about my food.

Just as long as it's the right texture, taste and temperature, and given at the right time each day.

Resolution #6: I'll lay off the furniture and stick to my scratching post.

After all, that's what the scratching post is for. Besides, I've made enough marks to show who really owns this place. To do any more would be just cad.

Resolution #7: I'll stop hiding stuff behind the couch.

It's getting a little cluttered behind there anyways. Someone in the house is really trying to find that diamond ring – they're making too much of a racket.

Resolution #8: I'll let everyone else sleep later.

I suppose 5 a.m. is a little too early to get everyone up to feed me. I think I can hold on until 5:30 a.m.

Resolution #9: I'll stay off the counters, at least when company is around.

I only get chased off anyways. Sooner or later everyone leaves, so I can patrol the countertops if I'm just a little patient.

Resolution #10: I'll be more tolerant of those homemade bandannas.

They feel a little funny, and I dislike having something put on me, but the colors really do match my hair coat, and they set off my eyes nicely.

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