I wasn't kissed until I was 17. I lost my virginity two weeks before I turned 18. Two months later, I became one more victim of rape. And I will never forget it...
A Friend on the Road
During my first year at a Northern California college, I moved out of my strict Catholic home in San Jose, CA, and into a stranger's house on the other side of town. At 18, I was a live-in nanny and housekeeper for a young married couple with two kids. I was a part-time freshman with a full-time, and very isolated job. Thus, I didn't have any friends, and even worse, my boyfriend had just dumped me. I was all alone-except for my beloved dog, a great companion.
I was a total hippie chick, dressing in blue jeans and peasant blouses, going braless and barefoot. Carefree and trusting, I used to hitchhike to classes with my 70-pound black Labrador retriever. I never really thought twice about hitchhiking.
I always felt safe. And although my mom had showed me gruesome newspaper articles about girls getting raped and killed, I always thought, "Nothing like that will happen to me. I'm different."
The Dance: No Dogs AllowedI didn't think twice about hitchhiking again, this time solo without my dog, to the homecoming dance. I met a young man who I danced with for a good part of the night. He was a hefty wannabe football player-but not my type at all. But he was nice, and I felt comfortable with him. We talked casually about relationships, and I told him I was looking for Mr. Right. Toward the end of the night, he asked me if I wanted to go to an after-party. Since the dance wasn't crowded, and I didn't meet anyone I really liked, I though an after-party would be a great place to meet more exciting people, so I said yes.
As we were leaving, he introduced me to his redheaded, studious-looking, quiet friend, who was going to head to the party with us--the designated driver. I hesitated to go with both of them (my sixth sense was telling me something wasn't right) but I figured I would be fine since they were two students at the same school with me.
A Sixth SenseOn our way to the party, I sat in the front seat of the car between the two of them on a bench seat. The three of us made small talk and everything seemed pretty normal.
Then I started to realize that it seemed like we were driving around forever, but going nowhere. Finally, I asked, "Are we almost there?" The friendly guy who had befriended me at the dance seemed to clam up. I sensed an uneasy feeling sitting next to him--too quiet, and he mumbled that he was trying to find the right house. That was when I got the first gut instinct something was very wrong-very wrong.
But I tried to tune out my intuitive feelings. All I knew was I wanted to be in a warm, fun place with my dog-any place but that car alone with two men I didn't know. I began to silently regret ever leaving the dance.
Unforgettable NightmareAll of a sudden, the passenger-the man who was my friend had changed into my foe-whispered a threatening sexual proposition. I resisted verbally repeatedly as the tears started filling my eyes. He threatened, "I'll bash your face into the dashboard if you don't shut up and do what we want." My body was frozen, my heart raced and my head was spinning. I couldn't believe what was happening.
The driver stopped the car and parked it on a dimly-lit residential street. "I have to go to the bathroom," I whined but was ignored in between the two guys' unwanted gropes and kisses. I felt sick and I wanted to run, but I couldn't-I was trapped.
Then, the hefty man told the redheaded driver to take a walk because he wanted to have me first. In a strange way, part of me was relieved-at least it wouldn't be two of them at one time. When the driver disappeared, the friend ordered me, "Get in the backseat." At that point, I was crying uncontrollably. He didn't care.
And then, it was over. I struggled to put my clothes back on as both guys decided it was time to go, and they let me out of the car. Disheveled and disoriented, standing outside in the cold, damp autumn fog, I tried to fight back the tears.
Finding A FriendI thought I had asked for it, so how could I report it? I didn't tell anyone. Through all of the pain and trauma, I did tell one close confidant-my dog, Stonefox. He was there to comfort me through my frightening flashbacks at night, and he kept me company through the cold, lonely days. He was consoling and non-judgmental, and he was my best friend.
After I was fired from my domestic job because I was "too unstable," my dog helped give me a reason to survive-he needed me. I decided I needed a change of scenery to help me get my life back-to feel like me again. So, I traveled through America with a knapsack, sleeping bag, and Stonefox and learned to heal my wounds, find my sense of self and trust in men, once again.
After more than 30 years, I am one more survivor of rape. I live in California, and am a dedicated veteran author/ "supersensitive" (an individual with a heightened sixth sense). While I've had three long-term, live-in relationships with men, they ended due to my fear of intimacy. Today I live with my two trustworthy Brittanys, Simon and Seth, and my cat, Kerouac.
The Healing Power of DogsCountless people, perhaps even you, have experienced the positive healing benefits canines have on the body, mind and spirit. But we're often clueless as to why dogs have such a big impact on our health and well-being. All we know is that they do.
"Healing is much more than the mending of bodies. It's mending broken hearts, lost dreams and painfully poisonous ideas and beliefs," writes Susan Chernak McElroy in her book Animals as Teachers & Healers (Ballantine Books). And amazingly enough, dogs can provide healing services such as these to you.
Animal experts believe as we become more aware of the mind-body link, we can also discover how the human-animal bond affects our emotional well-being. Researchers also note that dogs help reduce anxiety, ward of loneliness and depression, and even contribute to living a longer life.
Dog lovers will tell you dogs are affectionate, beautiful, calming, playful, smart, protective, and provide unconditional love. Research shows that they-often tagged as "guardian angels" are capable of being loving and loyal companions. Indeed, dogs are a woman's best friend during life's ups and downs.
