10 Excuses for Your Cat’s Bad Manners
Have you ever been embarrassed by your pet's behavior? Are you tired of the looks of disdain from family members and guests and wish you could come up with the perfect explanation? Here are just a few "excuses" you might find helpful during those uncomfortable, red-faced moments.
1. Your cat walks across the table during your dinner party.
a. This is a special breed of cat, bred exclusively to forage for game under terrain that looks just like these napkins.
b. Don't pay any attention. He's just looking for mice.
c. He just wants to be part of all the fun.
d. She thinks it's her fashion show. We usually dress her up and let her walk up and down the "catwalk."
2. Your cat scratches your aunt's stockings.
a. Your leg looks just like his favorite scratching post.
b. She must have noticed that a run was impending and wanted to let you know before you walked around and became embarrassed.
3. Your cat's litter box smells a little ripe.
a. Oh poor Fluffy must be sick. I just changed the litter box earlier today! Poor, poor Fluffy!
b. I don't smell anything. (Encourage your family to agree.)
c. I think cleanliness is overrated, don't you?
4. Your cat coughs up a hairball during your dinner party.
a. He must be sick and wanted me to know what was causing the problem.
b. Come here. Did you ever look closely at a hairball?
b. Sorry – but when you gotta do it, you just gotta do it.
5. Your male cat sprays.
a. All you strong, handsome men are making my kitty nervous. He just can't compete.
b. I don't think he likes the smell of your cologne.
c. Sorry, he has a nervous condition; he's seeing a pet psychiatrist.
6. Your cat sheds on the couch and most of the hair lands on your guest's black trousers.
a. What great pants! They make you look terrific!
b. It is the newest trend. And just think – you don't owe me anything!
7. Your cat brings home a dead bird/mouse during a dinner party.
a. She's afraid I didn't make enough chicken.
b. We're having chicken so I guess she thought any bird would do.
8. Your cat hisses and spits and swats at friends.
a. She's just jealous! She only does that when she feels someone is more beautiful than she is.
b. She's been taking acting classes. This is her "tough" role.
9. Your cat stops in the middle of living room to clean his privates.
a. He's just a show off! He knows we can't do that.
b. He doesn't usually do that.
c. He's training for the Animalympics
10. Your white cat jumps on the lap of a friend wearing a black velvet dress.
a. I hear Bjork is wearing a dress like that to the Academy Awards this year.
b. What a wonderful dress. It looks great on you!
c. Black is her favorite color.