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I won’t pretend to totally understand the game of football. I won’t even try. So maybe you can help me.
I have a friend that loves football. Every year he has a Fantasy Football Team. It took me almost a whole year just to totally understand the concept. But once I did, it was actually pretty interesting.
But understanding Fantasy Football isn’t enough. I soon realized that, as a man, my friend still had the advantage. He’s a man. So he watches EVERY football game and has a player on almost everyteam. Who can keep up with all that football? I soon found myself wishing that he could just be a Steelers fan so we’d be limited to a one team and one game per week. But no – my friend was obsessed.
Which leads to another topic … obsession. I have to admit I have an obsession, too. I can’t help it. I look at people and see them as “dogs”. (Are you ready to send me to the loony bin yet?) Let me tell you what I’m talking about.
When I work out at the gym, there is one woman with long red hair that is never pulled back. She has floppy limbs, she is always smiling … and I can’t help it but when I look at her I see a happy Irish Setter. There is another woman at the gym that is older, petite, very grey, thin and quite chic. I see her as a Whippet. I won’t even tell you about the Pitt Bull.
When I look at someone, it’s a combination of personality, character traits, appearance and the way a person moves that reminds me of a certain dog breed. So one day, when I was watching one of these MANY football games, my obsession kicked in and I found myself thinking about which dog breeds would be best playing certain positions. If dogs played football, who would be on my Doggy Fantasy Football team?
Whether you think I’m crazy or just have too much time on my hands, it really is fun to think about!
So what about you? If your dog played football, what position would he or she play? Take our poll
Here is the doggy football line-up I came up with:
Safety – These guys are hard hitters, but they can also run very fast. – Dalmatian, Samoyed
Linebacker – Linebackers are big and fast, like a Mastiff, Bullmastif, Bull Dog, German Shepherd, Doberman, Rottweiler, St. Bernard, Newfoundland, Akita, Alaskan Malamutes, Airdeale Terriers, Weimaraners, Borzois and Giant Schnauzers.
Cornerback – These guys are fast, very athletic and can really jump. (It’s their job to try to swat the ball away or intercept it when it’s thrown.) – Australian Shepherd, Australian Cattle Dog, Siberian Husky, Rodesian Ridgeback,
Defensive End – These tough guys are big and fast because their job is “containment”. Their job is to attack the passer or stop the runner. – Pit Bull, Labrador retriever, Great Dane, Great Pyrenees, Gordon Setter, Dogo Argentino
Tackle – Players at this position have to get by the players that are blocking them and rush the passer. They’re big and strong. – Saint Bernard, Bernese Mountain Dog
Quarterback – This guy calls all the shots. He’s fast. He can scramble. He’s smart. He has to read what’s going on and react quickly to pass, hand off the ball or run it himself. – Labrador Retriever, Golden Retriever (some of them), German Shepherd, Collie,
Wide Receiver – These dogs are speedy and they specialize in catching passes. They need to outrun the guys that are blocking them and get open for a pass. – Greyhound, Standard Poodle, Boxer, Chesapeake Bay Retriever, Whippet
Tackle – These big guys block both running and passing plays. – Saint Bernard, Bernese Mountain Dog,
Guard – These big tough guys are also blockers who really get the job done. – Pit Bull, Akita, Shar Pei, Chow-chow
Center – This guy snaps the ball to the quarterback, then blocks. -Komondorok , Old English Sheepdog
Tight End – These guys are a “hybrid” of sorts, kind of a mix between a blocker and a pass receiver. A good tight end has to be big and fast. – Pit Bull, Labrador retriever,
Running Back – fast and sneaky – Border Collie, Jack Russell, , Greyhound,
Fullback – This guy does it all. He’s a power runner, a blocker and a short receiver. This is the guy that who creates a path for the running back to break through and really run the ball. – Boxer, Belgian Sheepdog and Chesapeake Bay Retriever
Kicker / Punter – Kicker – This guy is a specialist with a very specific talent. He is the guy with the “leg”. He’s not as big, but he knows how to kick the ball accurately and for a great distance. – Jack Russell Terrier, Shetland Sheepdog, and bull terrier
Gunner – This guy is also very fast. He only plays during kick-offs and punts. It’s his job to run down the field very fast to tackle the guy who catches the punt or the kick. That means he has to be very quick, but also strong. – American Staffordshire Terrier
Coach – He is a strategist who knows everything there is to know about the sport. He has played the game himself in the past, but now he runs the show. – Bulldog, Boston Terrier ,Irish Setter, Pointer
Cheerleader – All glitz and glam, these “babes” put on a show of their own while promoting team spirit. – Poodle, Bichon, Rat Terrier, Pomeranian, Yorkshire Terrier, Shih Tzu, Maltese, Pekingese, Lhasa Apso, Chinese Crested
Mascot – This person is dressed in a costume – he is an embodiment of the team’s name. Whether he is a “Bear”, a “Patriot” or a “Viking”, his job is to rally the fans and build team spirit. – Mixed breed
Third String “Benchwarmer” – These guys love the game but rarely get to play. They’re “back up”. They only go into the game when a player is injured or needs a break. They can do the job, but not as well as the guys who get to play. – Beagle, Basset Hound, English bulldog
Water Boy – Portuguese water dog, of course.
Announcer – The announcer is very vocal and full of color. – Beagle and Chihuahuas
Hot Dog Vendor – who else but the Dachshund!
Peanut Vendor – Pug and French Bulldog
Beer Vendor – Bassett Hound
Popcorn Vendor – Cocker Spaniel
Ticket Scalper – Hmmmm, that’s a tough one. What do you think? Mixed breed dogs? OR….Jack Russell?
Fans, Cheering in the Stands – Cavalier King Charles Spaniels, Australian Shepherd, English Springer Spaniel, Brittanys, Havanese, West Highland White Terriers, Papillons, Vizslas, Scottish Terrier, Cairn Terreirs, Portuguese Water Dog, Wheaten Terriers, Shiba Inu, Australian Cattle Dog, Italian Greyhound, Dogues de Bordeaux, Japanese Chin, Brussels Griffon, German Wirehired Pointers, Silky Terriers, Afgan Hound, Welsh Terrier, English Foxhound, Hariers, American foxhounds, otterhounds, Finish Spitz, Sussex Spaniels, Glen of Imaa Terriers, Sealyham Terriers, Canaan Dogs, Skype terriers, Polish Lowland sheepdogs, Pharaoh DHounds, Dandie Dinmont Terriers, Irish Water Spaniels, PUlik, Swedish Valunds, Beaucerons, German Pinschers, Curly Coted Reterievers, Ibizan Hounds, Lowchen, Scottish Deerhounds, Kuvaszok, Clumber Spaniels, Plotts, Briards, Bedlinton Terriers and every breed we forgot to list here.
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